Family Issues w/Your Man, Uncategorized

What to Do About A Man Who Complains About Taking Care of His Family?

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In this day and age we see that more and more, people are choosing for one reason or another not to get married or are divorcing at “alarming” rates. While the media seems to think the reason is because people are just stupid and rush into marriages the reality is we actually take much, much longer to get married today than any other time in history and the main reason for divorce is financial arguments. Legal definitions such as “irreconcilable differences” don’t really say it right. Now, why do I put alarming in parenthesis? I put it in parenthesis because I don’t actually view the number or rate of divorces as at all alarming. I believe in divorce, the right to choose to no longer have to be married to a person you cannot love or cannot function with in a family.

What does financial issues really mean? In almost all cases it means the adults cannot agree on family finances. So by nature this means that one partner or the other isn’t providing income, is under employed, is wasting family money, is irresponsible with money or something along these lines. What the statistics don’t touch on is the fact millions of women have been left with no real choice but to get a divorce because their man refuses to take care of his family or won’t stop complaining about taking care of his family. This is equally prevalent in why women who are not married to their men refuse to make the leap to marriage.

Remember financially caring for your family is only one way in which you care for your family but not taking financial care of your family is usually the “straw that broke the camel’s back” when it comes to women’s level of tolerance. A man has a duty to do more than just financially take care of his family. He has a duty to be present, to provide physical and emotional support, to discipline and aid with the children, to ensure that he keeps up the family house and property, to protect and defend and to be involved in the lives of his family.

What else doesn’t get noticed in the simple statistics is that women often divorce because their men do not want to help take care of the children. This is especially undesirable since most women choose to work at some point in time even when they have young children. Women just don’t have time to do it all and men are not taking up the slack and in many cases blatantly ignore their own children. Women would rather attempt to do it all on their own, and why shouldn’t they? Why should a woman be in a relationship with a man if she is doing all the duties of both people? There’s no real point to that and it’s really not even a relationship if she can’t have any expectations of him.

If you have a man who is actively complaining to you about taking care of the family, then you need to have a real conversation about what his problem is exactly (i.e. does he want you to get a job, is he sick of being married). Your man will almost never come right out and say “I am sick of taking care of my family.” So here are some things he might say that can elude to the fact he is not wanting to provide for his family:

  1. He gets upset every-time he doesn’t get as much sleep as he wants and says things like “I’m tired, I need my sleep because I work.” (Insinuates you do nothing of value for the family.)
  2. “Why do you need this?” (Questions your ability to make adult decisions.)
  3. “I don’t have enough money for that.” (Even though that seems ridiculous on his income.)
  4. “I don’t think you need that.” (Notice the word “you” is applied yet he presumes to speaks for you.)
  5. “Why should I be the only one to work” (Again insinuating it’s not his duty to provide for his family.)
  6. “There’s no reason you can’t work.” (Yet you have 3 children under the age of 10 who need your care.)
  7. “I’m too busy to do that.” (By busy he means he has created things to go do outside the home and family he doesn’t need to do.)
  8. “I’m going to go to my friend Johnny’s house.” (He says this when he knows you need him at home.)
  9. “We don’t have money to fix your car.” (Then he gets in his pimped out man car and drives to his friend Johnny’s house to drink beers.)

In addition to saying things your man may also show behavioral signs he no longer wants to take care of his family such as:

  1. He takes a job that makes it so he is gone most of the time or gone during hours the kids are home.
  2. He takes on more hours or another job but he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t seem to be providing any additional income to the family despite having more pay.
  3. He sleeps all day long or mopes and lazes around when he has days off instead of spending time with family.
  4. He works at night and sleeps during morning hours when the family is getting ready for school and eating breakfast, even though he could wait to sleep until the kids are gone at school.
  5. He eats meals separate from the family/ often says he’s not hungry.
  6. He spends more time at friends’ houses than at home or with the family.
  7. He doesn’t want to spend any money on the family, or he doesn’t want to go anywhere or plan any activities or events with the family.
  8. He often claims he/the family cannot afford things that you in fact can.
  9. He hides his income, withholds his pay from you.
  10. He buys himself things he doesn’t need when the family has needs without consulting you.
  11. He refuses to talk about or adhere to a family plan and or budget.
  12. He wants to stay home more often than not, rather than go with family to things.
  13. He won’t talk to anyone, and does this often. When he does talk he snaps at everyone.
  14. He talks about quitting  his job all the time even though he has made no effort to arrange a  new job.

Remember this is the ultimate number one reason for divorce all around and generally it is women getting the divorces because women and children are usually the target and victims of this attitude problem. Obviously there is a difference between a man who does not take care of his family and man who complains about it. However who really wants to stay with a person for years who cannot stop complaining about the people he supposedly loves so much? Everyone complains and sometimes people vent and lash out when they are mad, tired, or hungry, and it is important for families to talk and to stand up to each other. You cannot beat around the bush and expect results, that includes men and women. If you are sick of providing all the income and think you have a reasonable complaint then say it out loud and say why. If you are sick of listening to your man whine and claim you are not working when you take care of 3 under age ten children all day and do all the house work then say it out loud.

Make sure when you talk about anything this important that you sit down with NO kids in the house (or in the room if that is not practical). Make sure you are not distracted by anything. NO phones in hand, no texting, no phone calls, no tv, no games, no guests. Just you two sitting talking. If you cannot get your man to do this then tell him you have had enough and you want a divorce/want to end the relationship and wont tolerate a man too  busy or too bitter to sit and have family talk time. Family talk time is the most difficult thing to get done and to find time for in a relationship because everyone is legitimately busy a lot. However, most people also don’t do enough to cut the crap and put stuff they don’t need to do aside to make time for family talk time. Family talk time is NOT family meeting time, it’s adult only time. You have to be able to have this or the relationship is doomed to continue down a spiraling path of dissatisfaction. The bottom line is a man who cannot or will not do this is not family material. He is not relationship material either.

A man cannot live only in his own little world in his head, and can’t expect his family to tolerate him creating a world where he is too busy , too hostile or too lazy to join in on the family time. A man must build his family up, not tear it down. If a man complains publicly about his family he should be ignored and shamed. I mean that literally. A man should NEVER ever disrespect his family in public, it’s a disgrace.  A man who does this often does not deserve his family and should be ignored as he ignores his family.

Remember girls you only have to put up with what you tolerate. You do not need a 4th “baby” to take care of, you need a man, a real man. Real men provide and don’t cry like little children about it. It’s not worth it to drag out empty relationships with men like these. You are not a free sex buddy and your kids are not his visitors. If your man can’t hack it, find someone who can.

 

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Family Issues w/Your Man

Who’s Money is Who’s?

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At first glance you may notice this post instantly has the same ring to it as my post “His House or Our House?” about who’s house you’re living in is which you can read here if you haven’t already. You’d be right. The most important thing to remember in a relationship that escalates to living together married or not is that once you dedicate to living in the same home, you are dedicating to family. If you can’t dedicate to family, family ideas, family planning or family centric values then you should NOT make the leap to living together or even stay in a long term relationship. In fact, every relationship you involve yourself in you should be honest from the first day you go on a date. I want a family or I do not want a family. If you want a family at any point in time you must enter EVERY relationship as a family oriented person, otherwise your relationships will fail. You don’t have to have kids right this second but you need to be open and honest and realize most women are not in the habit of waiting around decades for men to grow up and finally be family centric.

When it comes to the family finances remember it’s not yours, mine and ours. It’s always OURS. Your money is your families money, and therefore you are not being a good family member by withholding it from your family. A family must thrive on trust. If you feel you cannot trust your partner with money and need to hide it, or take it away, withhold it, or have separate accounts so the other can’t get the money then you have a serious problem. It’s one thing to be the adults and not let children have access to the money because they are not responsible enough to use it wisely, but if the adults must hide money from each other then aren’t they really the children here?

It is a huge misconception by people that not having children or not being married negates a man’s responsibilities and means they don’t yet have a family. Family is what you make of it and consists of people you hold dear and love. A man or woman should not view each other as just “that other person I have sex with and hang out with when I have time to.” If you are not going act as family it is probably just best to date but not commit to anyone. It is best not to live together. Even if you do not live together it doesn’t get you out of your responsibility to take care of each other. You cannot really be honest and say you truly love a person if you are unwilling to share your income with them.

If you live with a person you feel you have to hide money from because they are irresponsible and won’t pay bills, or will take it and buy things they don’t need like drugs or alcohol, then you need to consider the better alternative which is leave the relationship for a person who is trustworthy. You cannot keep hiding from your own mate to keep the peace. It is better to end the relationship than to constantly have to fight off your irresponsible mate.

So what if we both want to have a family budget but also our own money? Ok then my suggestion is that you take ALL the income of the family and pool it together. You should NOT let so and so have more extra cash because he or she brings in more money than the other. Make a monthly budget to allot money for the bills and needs of the family. Then assign any funds to things such as savings for vacations, education or whatever your personal goals are with the pooled money. Make a categorical discernment between needs and extras, this way if you can’t reach every goal each month you can at least hopefully make the needs goals and not worry so much about extras. Set actual dollar values to these. For example allot $100 each month to your vacation fund, categorized as extras. For bills which fluctuate set the minimum set aside to the higher end of the bill. Example the water bill is anywhere between $40-$75. The water bill is a need to pay. So set the minimum set aside which should be untouchable, to $75 per month. You should never trade your needs for your wants, no matter how hard it is sometimes.  Always make sure to assign which bills will be paid from which paychecks as sometimes you may have to save this months last paycheck to pay next months rent. Once you have made that monthly budget for the year, you have your monthly guide. So once ALL bills and goals are met, then take whatever is left over that month, and split it in half. Now each adult has their own personal cash to do whatever they want with free and clear of worry about bills and goals being met. This is a proven method and I believe every family should have a budget every month.

I have personally used this method before and was eventually complimented by my partner who did not want to do it but gave it a try. He found that he had way more money than he had before and was doing better because money was being allotted wisely. Yet he had more to spend on things he didn’t need because he followed a budget. It really does work. You may not need such an advanced budget yourself but for two people you really need something like this. Make sure your partner is actually physically following the plan, and that both people are either presenting physical cash or placing all funds into a joint account until goals are met and then only transfer money out to each partner when you have assessed all monthly goals are paid for. If that means you need to transfer some funds to a savings account go for it but pool money together first.

It’s important that both adults be equals. One partner shouldn’t have to pay half the bills “equally” adding up to 80% of their income while the other pays half the bills equal to only 20% of  their income, and then get to have 80% more personal cash than the other. It will cause resentment.

Family Issues w/Your Man

Is My Man Jealous of Me?

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Ok so this is an interested subject that women may or may not realize exists in relationships with men. For those who do not realize it, it is very common for men to actually be jealous of their female partner. Men may be jealous of you for many reason but the most common reasons men are jealous are:

  1. When their woman makes more money than they do.
  2. When their woman has a “better” job/career than they do.
  3. When their woman is in a position of power or achievement such as President of a company.
  4. When women spend a lot of time at their job/out of town for work.
  5. Men are also often jealous of the women who stay home or have more time at home, especially when a man works out of town/state.

So if you are wondering if your man is jealous of you, the answer is probably yes. But if you are not sure there are some tell tale signs your man may be jealous of you:

  1. Your man is rude to you, seems short with you a great deal, or seems mopey.
  2. If when you get home from work he seems to want to start a fight with you about being gone or even other unrelated things.
  3. If your man is gone a lot and seems mopey or upset about never being able to attend things because he’s gone, or if he seems to want you to always wait to do things until he gets home, or if he seems like he doesn’t want you to do anything without him.
  4. If your man says things like “maybe you should stay home and I can get a second job” or “I don’t want you to have to work.” (These are not always signs he’s jealous but if you have said no more than once to this idea and he keeps going on about it, then it’s a sign of jealousy as well as control.)
  5. If you are the worker of the family and your man spends most of his time lazing around on the couch, sleeping or really doing nothing constructive.

So let’s break these signs down a little bit to understand them. Men are easy to anger as a whole, but even men who are more laid back will often start acting a bit brutish when they are jealous of their woman. Men are, at their core worker bees, despite the fake trendy attempt from society to smack women down about NOT working. Men actually for the most part believe it is their duty to be the bread winner of the family but are at odds with the fake trendy attitude of society. Sometimes men are actually confused as to if they should be mad women are not working or mad because they feel that if their woman has to work they are failing at their duty as a man. Some men though actually don’t want to work at all and want their woman to take care of them but yet are still angry because their hormones and their inner self is actually trying to tell them they are a failure because they are not being manly by sitting at home on their butts doing nothing. I believe that this kind of inner self battle has a great deal to do with modern men’s inability to be family material.

So if they feel this way why don’t they just spit it out and say something? Well first off men are not good at sharing their feelings. If they were they would be women 😉 right? Men mostly bottle up their feelings and fail to share because they think it will make them less manly to do so. It’s also very possible the man actually doesn’t realize that they are jealous of you. It’s scientific fact that other male animals will get angry and or depressed when they feel useless or don’t have anything to do. Humans are animals despite our self importance in thinking we are special magical beings void of nature’s laws.

Men will often be jealous of a woman who makes more money than they do or who is in a position of authority and power. One of the reasons is as I said; men feel inferior if a woman is doing what he perceives to be his job/a man’s job. Some men think women just shouldn’t make as much as men because they think women are weak and therefore incapable of doing the job as well as them. They often also feel threatened by women in power who are capable of being self sufficient without them because they are afraid the women might leave them or not need them anymore. This is despite the fact men act mad when they are expected to take care of their families, despite them pretending they think women should work so they don’t have to pay for everything and despite men attempting to be trendy non-sexists. This mind set is confirmed by the fact men will leave their families (often a working wife and kids) for women who are in economic woe whom they see as needy , easy targets to replace their wife with. Unfortunately they then almost always automatically revert to their outward trendy “non-sexist” expectation this new woman should work, and thus the cycle continues for them.

Men who refuse to work or who won’t get real jobs, or who mope around the house are frankly not good men to have a family with in my book, unless you have made the co-decision he will stay home and you will work. Even still, it’s not particularly good for men to do because of the reasons I have outlined. IF your man is a stay at home dad, which I’m not the hugest fan of, then if he is doing his duty to the kids and home and does the grocery shopping and all the things stay at home mom does, then he has a job too. However, it may not be the best job for all men to do. Men become restless and need to burn off energy and testosterone. Most men just can’t do this being moms to kids because women are naturally designed to be care taker, nester, gatherer, organizer and men are not. So if this occurs it may be more practical for him to get a job, at least part-time. I also think that men may resent you being the bread winner, so it may not be worth it to try to be too over feminist when it comes to family matters, they clash quite often.

If you have a man who constantly wants you to quit your job for no reason other than he just doesn’t want you to work or he seems over-sensitive about you being at work you may have a serious issue. If your man never wants you to do anything with other people without him until he gets home or because he doesn’t want you enjoying anything when you are gone, you are in the danger zone. Men of this nature are exhibiting both jealousy issues and control issues. Controlling men are generally run by fear and jealousy. They are afraid their woman might be looked at or talked to by another male. They may actually be abusive and trying to get you secluded from your support system like your friends and family, maybe even your children. Seclusion is a tactic used by abusive and controlling men to isolate you from anyone he thinks can protect or defend you or take you away from him. Keep a keen eye on this type of behavior and don’t fall into the trap.

Remember society has honestly confused men of this generation because men do not know if they should be forcing you to work or forcing you to stay home. Their buddies are all divorced or single and telling them they should be mad about taking care of their families. Society is telling moms to dump their kids off at daycare and work for piddles. So it’s important to have real conversations about these issues at home and nip them in the bud as soon as possible. A man should always expect to do his duty to take care of his woman and kids even if he is not married. A woman should always expect to do her duty as a woman to nurture and take care of her children and man. When men and women want to reverse roles or blur the line between roles, remember it should be everyone’s personal choice, nothing ever by force or intimidation and be cautious because we can spew all the trendy crap we want but in reality nature has equipped men and women with different bodies, different hormones and therefore different purposes and natural talents. To pretend otherwise would be naive.

At the end of the day if you can’t have a conversation about this issue and resolve it, it may be time to move on to someone who can function in a fair relationship with you.

Family Issues w/Your Man

I’m a Stay at Home Mom and Everyone Says I Need to Get a Job…

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Ok so you are a stay at home mom and people are telling you, you need to get a job? OK it’s time for an INTERVENTION! You are NOT jobless. You HAVE a job, it’s called parenting your child(ren). It is a REAL job and it’s the toughest job there is to do in life and the most important. When other people tell you, you need to get a job, YOU, need to defend yourself immediately. When people suggest to you that you need to do something, you need to be prepared to let them know how YOU feel about it.

First and foremost despite contrary belief, public opinion does not matter and does not rule your house, your life or your family. The idea that you or anyone owes society anything is absurd. You do not owe your country or economy anything. This is a free country and you do not need to explain yourself or your decisions to society. You do not need society’s permission to stay home and take care of your children. Society also has to accept responsibility for it’s role in making women choose between family and careers, it’s own role in keeping wages unlivable, and it’s combined decision to try to make women into super human beings that simply cannot exist. This is our society’s fault not yours. No amount of planning changes the outcome of the economy. No amount of planning changes life’s quips and downfalls. No amount of planning will change the wages of this country. You are not responsible for society’s mistakes and inability to function properly.

If it is your man (husband, boyfriend,fiance) saying you need a job, then you need to have a serious sit down discussion about the issue. If you are not working because you simply don’t want other people raising your kids, then you have made a good choice and a fair one. If you have chosen to stay home because you cannot afford daycare and/or the pay you can make is too low to warrant the sacrifice/cost of going to work, then your decision to stay home is not only fair but mathematically appropriate. Your man must learn that you are a separate human than him and every other person on the planet and that your beliefs are as important as others are. Your desire to give your children the best care is to be admired not degraded and you must make it clear that:

  1. You will not be told what to do, you are an adult
  2. You will not dump your children off on babysitters just because other moms choose to
  3. You will not be compared to anyone else
  4. You will not work for meager wages
  5. You will not be made a fool of
  6. You will not tolerate a man who does not have consideration for your choices and who doesn’t back up your decisions
  7. You will not pay another person all your wages so she can buy her children name brand clothes while your child goes without because you are paying her all your wages
  8. That you won’t tolerate jealousy
  9. That you work hard and won’t tolerate being told otherwise
  10. That you have a job and have no time for another one right now
  11. That you will find someone who is happy to have a top notch mother to raise and teach her own children if he doesn’t want you
  12. That you are proud of your decision to raise your own children

You absolutely must nip this in the bud right away. It’s ok to have reasonable joint-discussions about work and etc. But remember YOU are YOU and YOU have the right to decide what YOU do with YOUR life. When you are ready to work, go. When you can afford to work, go. When you are happy that your kids are ready for you to go to work, then go. Until then don’t let anybody tell you, you need to leave them for sub-par wages, or unappreciative employers who won’t pay anything for your sacrifice. Your man needs to do whatever it takes to back you up and make it easy for you and to compliment and be proud of his stay at home mom. If he’s not… it’s time to consider saying goodbye.

If anyone other than your companion is telling you this it’s time to let them know as nice as you can muster, “Excuse me, but that is none of your business and the discussion is over. I have made my choice and decision and this is my family not yours. ” Let others know their snarky comments are not welcome and that you are proud of your choice and owe society nothing. That you are not going to have this discussion again. If you may be single and relying on family to help they need to be realistic and consider the reality is that for most single moms, minimum wage is nowhere near livable and blatantly anyone who says otherwise cannot do simple math. No matter how many times people try to rig the numbers you cannot live reasonably out of poverty without assistance on minimum wage. It’s blatantly impossible. I won’t put up with any cockamamie statistic showing any different, because all of them can be easily debunked with basic math. A family is better off doing whatever it can to assist their family member in staying home till the mother can afford to work and has done her job raising the little ones. The value of parenting your own children alone is worth the family’s sacrifice in helping. A family who turns on their own, especially a mother who wants to raise her own children and who does not assist in this has no place of honor in my book.

It’s important to remember one of the reasons this pressure is so intense is that men are easily jealous of women. They are jealous when they don’t work because then they feel like they are being mooched off of rather than feeling proud to defend, protect and provide for their family, a sad truth, that isn’t desirable. The second is that women and especially other moms are easily jealous because they have to work or had to work. Some moms can’t wait to dump their children off anywhere they can. Be it preschool, camp, school, boarding school, babysitter, mom and pop, family members, foot ball, Boy scouts etc anything so they don’t have to do any work themselves this is a FACT. Women like this can’t handle the pressure of their own children and can’t relate to actually caring to be home with them. Other women have had help with free babysitters and can’t relate to the outrageous cost of daycare.

If I offered your man this job:

  1. Work hours 24 hours per day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
  2. No holidays off
  3. No sick time
  4. Vacation random if any
  5. No time of for wounds, injuries you will work even if you have broken your leg or just had surgery
  6. Multitasking expected
  7. job requires, scheduling appointments,attending appointments, driving to and fro, shopping, 40 loads of laundry per week, folding, dressing others, cutting food into tiny pieces, getting up 400 times per day, cleaning spills, cooking, vacuuming, taking out the trash, dusting, answering phone calls, bathing others, reading, writing lists, sleeping when you can fit it in, going hungry to make others meals and go without clothes, food, and medical care so you can get your duties done
  8. No appreciation
  9. No pay

Do you think he would accept this job? I don’t. Remember this is the job a stay at home mom does. Demand the appreciation you have earned. Stand your ground. Make it clear you’re not going to be badgered by anyone.

 

 

Family Issues w/Your Man

My Man Won’t Eat His Meals!

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Most women who have lived with a man, especially those who have been, or are married now have probably experienced this “phenomenon.” A man who refuses to eat the meals she prepares with the rest of the family, for some reason or another. Sometimes it’s just a few meals a month and sometimes it’s several meals a day. If you are having issues with a man who wants to eat separate from you for no legitimate reason, then you have a spoiled baby for a man. The following are NOT legitimate excuses not to eat meals with the family or to eat different food than the family:

  1. because he doesn’t like that meal
  2. because he doesn’t like the meal sides
  3. because he’s not hungry right now
  4. because he’s tired of eating that
  5. because he wants something else
  6. because he is “too busy” but he’s at home

A man’s duty is to his family and his partner and it is important to have meal time together. It’s more important to spend this time with family and not worry about your meal. Sometimes meal time is one of the only times a family has to be together at the same time. This time cannot be wasted on complaining about the meal prepared. This time is not time to run out to the McDonald’s and go grab something else. This time is not time to whine or argue. This time is not time to go hide in your car or garage sneaking a McSandwhich. It’s childish, it’s selfish and it sets a bad example to the kids. Girls, make sure you make it clear you are not making special meals for everyone who doesn’t want what’s for dinner. If you wouldn’t prepare specials or make exceptions for the kids you don’t prepare specials for your man either. In addition, snubbing your meals is wasteful and can cost your family hundreds of dollars in lost food money to wasted food. That can become extremely expensive.

If right now you are saying; “but what if they really aren’t hungry?” Well one of the reasons they probably REALLY aren’t hungry is because they’re eating separate meals on a separate schedule from the rest of the family. If your man has a schedule different than the rest of the family as far as eating times go that can pose an issue. However, it is most likely that he is simply making up an excuse to get out of eating his meals. He probably wants to eat fast food from a convenience store or fast food restaurant.

“So… is it ok for him to go eat at the fast food place?” NO! In general, too much fast food is bad for your health and can cost lots of money later in medical conditions as well as being extremely expensive for the family budget. Your man might say : “It’s just a $4 sandwich!” This sounds cheap but it’s not, if your man eats 3 $4 sandwiches even 5 days per week he is spending $3,120 on sandwiches per year. So clearly if you couple that with a soda or coffee you can just about double that price. Do you really have $6k a year to spend on one person eating meals alone?

I know what some of you are thinking, this sounds sexists or stereotypical and unfair. Well frankly the truth hurts and it’s only a stereotype because it’s based in reality. More women complain about their men refusing to eat meals than any other thing that occurs in the house. So this is a matter of men not wanting to be part of the family. Your man cannot continue this anti-family attitude. He needs to show the kids, that eating healthy meals at home and spending time together is much more important than having a cheesy sandwich 3 times per day.

Here are some examples of legitimate excuses for your man to be absent from meals or have special plates:

  1.  allergy to the food
  2. They are gone out of the house at work
  3. guys night out with dinner plans
  4. out with family on a planned family occasion while not home with you/kids
  5. they are legitimately ill (flu)
  6. special medical needs
  7. occasional inability to eat (lack of hunger)

Even if your man is not hungry at the time of your meal, for real, not for fake, he still needs to sit with the family at the dinner table for as many meal times as possible. He can still chat with the family and help the kids eat. He does not need to sit in the living room watching the t.v. while you and the kids are at the table eating meals without him. Even if your man has work and needs to eat meals away from the home, he can bring left overs with him. He doesn’t need to try to be cool by buying “cool” fast food. Who cares if his buds think he’s lame for bringing the left over meat loaf to work? He can respond by saying “My family is cooler than your cheesy sandwich.”

Ways you can minimize the issue of your man not wanting his meals is to split cooking days in half and he can then make meals he really likes too for you and the kids. Also you can make a meal schedule on a computer on a monthly bases where he gets to pick as many meals as you to serve the family. If the family wants a treat of fast food or a sit down restaurant then schedule it in and EVERYBODY goes. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t have girls or boys night out or make arrangements for when you’re on vacation or some such, just the main daily routine should be this way.

So if you are saying; “Yeah but my man refuses to sit down and schedule meals.”, or “He won’t tell me what he wants to eat ever.” Then you need to consider a divorce/end of the relationship. Not eating meals with family, and refusing to answer legitimate important questions for the family’s benefit, and especially refusing to make plans, all while complaining  (i.e. he doesn’t want his meals) are all red light warning signs your man is NOT family material. At this point you must reflect that since he does not want to plan meals he needs to eat what he is served or there will need to be consequences to his anti-family actions.

“Well but he says he works so it’s his money and should be able to buy or eat what he wants.” WRONG! I will cover the money issue in another blog post more in depth but as far as this post is concerned, it makes no difference who is or is not working and getting the paycheck. The family must work as one unit, not two. When a man is bull headed making unilateral decisions, you have two units, him alone working against the family and you and the kids working for the family. This cannot occur or there will be a rift in the family unit.

Again a man who can’t get over this issue is likely not family material. Frankly you and the kids would do better apart from him. He can be single so he can have his meals his way and sit alone. While you and your kids can have your meals together and satisfaction of family time without a bump on a log stinking up the atmosphere with their poopy attitude.

“But this sounds so harsh.” It’s not. You are likely already excusing and placating your man by wondering if you are being too strict, too “nagy” or too “controlling.” If you think this way, then your man has already beaten you and won the “who’s in control” contest that shouldn’t be occurring in the relationship. So does this mean it’s partly your fault he’s doing this? No. It means it’s your fault you are miserable about it. If you can’t do what it takes to do right for the entire family you can’t fix the issues. Remember if he can’t grow up then he is simply not a part of the family and you need to do what’s right to take care of the family that IS.

So bottom line is if none of the recommendations here fix the issue it’s time to move on without him. Seriously.