Ok, so as I said here in this blog their is really no subject off limits. So you’re pregnant and your man wants sex, but you don’t? So you are here wondering if;
A) It is ok to refuse to have sex with your man the entire time you’re pregnant because you’re not interested, don’t feel good, don’t feel sexy, or are in pain?
B) Your man is complaining, whining, being stand offish, or acts mad at you because you don’t want sex , is that ok?
C) You’re not sure it’s safe to have sex or are afraid to have sex while pregnant, is that ok?
The answer to question A is YES. It’s ok to refuse to have sex with your man anytime you do not want to engage in sex, period. The fact that you are pregnant has no standing on the issue of if it is ok or not ok. Now, if your man is curious and nicely asks you why you do not want to want to have sex,(he is probably a first time father who knows nothing about pregnant women) you should answer him. If you feel like total garbage, tell him ” I am tired, I feel like garbage, I do not want to have sex.” If you don’t feel interested in sex (low sex drive) tell him the truth. ” My pregnancy has lowered my sex drive to nothing and I am not interested in having sex.”
Do NOT ask yourself the questions: “Is it unfair to not have sex for x,y,z amount of time? Maybe I should give in every once in a while?” NO>STOP>THAT>RIGHT>NOW! You do not owe him a sympathy sex-capade. Its not enjoyable for you and it probably won’t be that great for him either.
The answer to question B is a resounding NO. NO it is NOT ok for him to be mad or whine at you or ignore you because he isn’t getting his way. Your relationship relies on you two as a couple and your engagement as a couple in as many ways as possible but when you can’t or don’t want sex that does not give him the right to behave like a child. At this point your man has created life with you but you bare the entire physical responsibility to grow the baby in your body, so he OWES you 100% of his respect, and as much of his time as you need. This is both yours’ baby and he owes it to you and his baby to take the utmost care of you he can muster, plus more. This means NO whining and undue attention and sympathy to himself from his “boys”, his family, or from you. If he is making you feel upset, depressed angry, even possibly suicidal or “crazy” from his behavior he is NOT taking care of you. Not taking care of you is not taking care of baby.
Daddy does not need or deserve any kind of special treatment for his whining woes about sex. To give in to his whining is to set the rest of your relationship up for daddy to continue to vie for sympathy from you and other people when something doesn’t go his way. He needs the focus to be on you.
“What if my man breaks up with me/leaves me or threatens to leave if I won’t have sex? Well then you say, “Pack your bags, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and come 9 months from now I’ll see you in court for custody and child support, bye bye.”
WOW! That sounds harsh. NO. It’s not. It’s the best thing you can do and say to him. He will either say ok and walk away or he will shut up and be a man. You must enforce his responsibility to be a good father and man starting right now. If he doesn’t want to take care of you someone else just might love to do it. You cannot give in to ultimatums like that. Men will get away with only what you allow them to get away with in the relationship.
So if your man is reasonable and just wants to have a real hear to heart talk about things then take the time to attempt to be empathetic but enforce your rights, your decisions and his responsibilities.
Now on to question 3’s answer; YES it’s normal, especially for a first time mom or a mom who may think she has an abnormal or high risk pregnancy to be afraid to have sex. Many women and men are afraid they will hurt the baby. Now I am NOT a doctor of any kind but I would suggest if you have any questions as to the possible risks that you consult with your O.B.G.Y.N., doctor or midwife and ask if it’s safe. If they say it’s safe it probably is. In general, it is perfectly safe to have sex while pregnant, although you may not want to be too over the top about it. Ultimately even if it’s safe you have the right to still say: “I don’t want to do it because I am afraid it will hurt the baby and so I’m not going to do it and I don’t care what anyone says.” because it’s YOUR body and YOUR choice.