Women in Society

Is Marriage Realistic for Modern Women?

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Now this is the big question for women that women oddly often never ask themselves: Is marriage realistic for me in this era? Women are usually groomed from birth to daydream and ponder their future life about who they are going to marry, where they will live, what their house will look like, and how many kids they will have. In fact, I seem to have very fond memories of childhood in which we played lots of silly games with paper that would predict who we would marry and what their name would be and etc. Lots of fun, but it wasn’t until this year that I realized how silly all of that really was and how girls should be brought up wondering what they will do for themselves and what they will do to become the best person of their own right, and not necessarily defined by other people (i.e. their kids, a husband).

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting kids or a family but perhaps we spend too much time worrying about that when it’s only just a part of our lives not the entire thing. Women have had to set aside the rest of their lives for the benefit of their husbands and children for thousands of years and while this is the highest most respectable thing a mother and wife can do for her family, that is, to sacrifice for others, it is not necessarily the best thing a woman can do for herself.

In the modern era women more and more are reaching out for more than just the homemaker/wife life. So the question is, is marriage an old out dated tradition that really just keeps women down? Frankly I think the answer is yes. Not that it can’t work for some couples, not that I especially love broken homes or separated families, but there seems to be very little room in society, at least ours, despite being modern, for women who actually want to be individuals as well as moms and wives. Is it honestly possible for us to keep believing that two individuals can become one, magically because they wear fancy clothing and have a spiritual priest say they are married? I really don’t think so.

Evidence shows more and more that women are moving away from the idea of man as head of household, and of being arbitrarily morphed with their husband’s identity. Even laws now separate husband and wives in certain areas of law. Women are not so much taking the last names of their husbands anymore. Hyphenating their last names has become the new trend while some actually keep their original last name or even have the husband change their last name to theirs. Children are also being named after their mother’s last name or being hyphenated out of respect for both parents as opposed to only the father. In this trend we can see women are tired of being Mrs. Man. They want to be an individual as well as a family. There is nothing wrong with this. Men have always been allowed to be individuals and wives ought to as well.

For the most part women are now educating themselves and have been fighting back and forth between needing/wanting to stay home with children for financial reasons or because they want to take care of their own children, and going to work or school or just exploring life a bit on their own. These decisions would be a lot easier to make if we did not live in a world that expects women to do nothing but dream of their future life as a bride of a man, or mother of her children or wife of her husband. I could go one with specifics but I want to keep this post simple today. Society does not afford women the opportunities to do all they want to do. It’s not just because of financial limitations but because society expects women to give up what they want and give up their individuality as a wife/mother.

I think that each woman has to decide for themselves if they need or want to be married. I think this society has unfairly stigmatized women with the responsibility to be married and have a husband that takes care of them in order to function without being in poverty. The fact is, most women cannot earn enough to live without a partner which has been the root cause of most of women’s fight for individuality and independence. Phylilis Schlafly said (after the Paycheck Fairness Act was blocked by congress) that; “Women who make as much as men wouldn’t find good husbands.” This tells you alot about her generation. Now in respect Mrs. Schlafly has recently died (rest her soul in peace) but perhaps it resonates the death of an era of women brain washed into being reliant on husbands to live life? How often do we hear the term welfare queen, but never bother to ask why women can’t earn enough money to live without a husband, or why her husband or child’s father is not providing for his family?  This makes women feel like it’s all up to them to keep a family together. Isn’t it true we don’t think anything of it when men are single and have kids?

The possibility that marriage just isn’t the modern answer for society has rarely openly crossed the minds of our people. While I do make posts on advice on how a family, a man, a woman, a wife or husband should behave in relationships, and do in reality hope for everyone that family can work out, this does not change the question as to whether marriage is truly working for our society at this point. We simply do not afford women the life they deserve, and if a marriage is going to work well in this era it will have to be one that does for women what society does not do, which is to allow for her to be an individual with equal rights and respect and to not just be the one that a husband dumps the kids off on while he runs off to invest in his own career and life away from home. Until this day comes when both society and families do this, women I think, may need to have respite for a few centuries from marriage, to move forward to push this society into a future where women are rewarded for being dedicated moms, rewarded fairly for their work, where women’s jobs bring in real earnings, where we don’t morph them with their husbands. A society where they can be allowed to breath, spread their wings. be sick without penalty, take a break and not be expect to be the super human sacrificial lamb of the family.

What do you think?

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Women in Society

Does Society Coddle Men?

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The quick answer is YES. More often than not, society excuses the bad behavior of men and coddles them even when society knows what they have done is not appropriate. Oddly enough the biggest culprits of coddling men when they behave badly are actually women. Their moms, their wives/girlfriends, their aunts, even the female friends of the woman they wronged, are notorious for this coddling. Perhaps because women are coddlers in general. In addition, the courts and government coddles men and their multitudes of bad decisions even when in the reverse role a woman would be arrested for the same behavior. This does pose a significant problem in this day and age for mothers and children, and women in general.

One of the most outrageous examples of coddling is abusive men. The courts blatantly don’t protect women. Even if they do anything to finally stop years of abuse, stalking, or criminal treatment of women such as rape, men get barely a slap on the wrist. In many cases women are arrested just for defending themselves. The violence Against Women Act (VAWA) made it almost impossible for a woman to get an Order of Protection making them have to wait until they are physically assaulted to get an order. The states often refuse to enforce stalking laws even though 9 of 10 stalking victims end up murdered by their stalker. The sentences for stalking, abuse, murder and rape are in general less than a charge of possession of crystal meth. How outrageous.

Men are also let off the hook for abandoning their pregnant women, their wives and kids, even though there are abandonment laws. Those laws are not tough enough because so long as a he calls the mom once in a year he isn’t abandoning the kids according to the law. Never-mind he hasn’t seen his kids, changed one diaper or sent $1 for food to his kids. Some third world countries have actually started holding men accountable for abandonment yet our nation has given men a free pass on this. If a woman ran off to her job out of state and said; “Tough I’m too busy at my job to parent, I’m not gonna talk to you or come to any doctor’s appointments, I’m not changing any diapers and I’ll come around if and when I feel like.” she could be arrested for neglect and would never get equal custody of her kids in a court. Everyone would say she is a piece of trash and has no right to her kids, yet… men do this all the time and there are no consequences. In fact, most of them are rewarded in court and get equal custody so their new girlfriends can be their kids’ new half-time mommy/babysitter while he runs off to do whatever he wants to. This happens constantly. A woman would be shamed for choosing herself over her kids and be chastised and punished.

So what does this really say about our society? That despite pretending to be trendy modern equalitists, in actuality we are still resigned to the old “boys will be boys” attitude and that men’s careers are more important than women’s. That men only have to parent when they have time and feel like it, while women are excepted to be super human and achieve a career yet super mom status that’s impossible to achieve. Even when women dedicate their entire lives to their children we chastise them for not dumping them off at daycare and working minimum wage jobs. If we choose the good job that requires our time we are back at square one, under arrest for not taking care of the kids.

We also clearly still have the mentality that men are babies and need lots of help and time to do the right thing and it’s ok to fart around being inappropriate while “learning.” 30 year old men aren’t babies and don’t need or deserve to be treated like they are toddlers. Take for example men who run away or act like morons when they get a woman pregnant. Most of them don’t pay for any prenatal care, maternity clothes, baby clothes, car seat, bottles, diapers, wipes, our society won’t cover the women on insurance plans unless they are married even when the man is wiling to pay the extra for a premium increase. They don’t pay for the extra food cost of her 8 meals a day needed to keep healthy, prenatal vitamins, crib, they don’t pay for the baby’s birth or doctors visits, shoes, shelter, school supplies etc and then they have the audacity to cry if the court actually is able to find them and order them to pay a few dollars in support like someone just stole their chocolate chip cookie. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, from women, “Well maybe he is just confused and needs some time?”, or some other such nonsense. No what they need is for society to stop excusing them for acting like Peter Pan babies. They have no right to hurt the women they get pregnant or abandon their children or pretend to be 10 when they are 30 or 40. It’s not hard to know what to do or what your responsibility is. Yet on a daily basis women coddle these losers all throughout their days lost in Neverland, rather than scolding them to do the right thing for their children. Honestly most of them know what they are doing is wrong and they just don’t want to spend any of their money on their own kids or families.

I read and hear men ALL THE TIME, whining and complaining about taking care of their kids and families. It’s a disgrace! A man who complains about caring for his own deserves nothing and no one. The only time I have any sympathy is for unfair child support orders or draconian enforcement of child support, other than that there is no excuse to cry about your responsibilities. I’m amazed at how many women tolerate their men talking about their families behind their backs because most of them know their man is doing it. If I found out my man was whining about us, I’d ask him how he’d like it having no more family? Or how he’d feel if I left him for a real man that doesn’t complain about taking good care of his loved ones?

Aside from the worst consequences of women being abused, neglected, abandoned, raped, assaulted, stalked, murdered,  and left to raise children on their own or share custody with losers who actually aren’t doing half the parenting, women are clearly being held to a different separate and unfair standard of rules, behavior, expectations and laws. Punished for not putting up with being hit, by hitting back, expected to be bloodied to get protection from harm, ignored for being “immature” and not tolerating being texted 300 times per day, cussed at, followed everywhere they go by an ex… etc. This society clearly has a severe coddling issue with men.

Even simpler infractions and personal issues that aren’t criminal are often cause for the root of the problem. When people side with and coddle men too much they become entitled to act inappropriately. When there are no social consequences to disrespecting your women, your kids, your family, your exes, your friends, then there is no reason for them to not do it. So yes men are coddled way too much. There was a day when at least despite other sexist issues, men were expected to take care of their families. Today our society rewards them for not taking care of them. It’s astonishing how many women will fall for men who have abandoned their previous families thinking that the man is innocent and not to blame. It’s pretty bad when men take care of other women’s children before his own, yet it happens all the time. Perhaps they do it because they think if they choose vulnerable single moms she will put up with him? I don’t know for sure but we have a serious problem. This is why it is so important that we as women stop coddling men and stand up to them, whether they are your husband/boyfriend/fiance’, your son, your nephew, your brother, or your friend. Men like these give the good honest, good hearted, hard working, loving husbands, and dedicated loving dads a terrible name.

It’s time for America to keep up with third world countries when it comes to punishing the bad behavior of bad men. It’s time for our courts to protect women and families and punish men who don’t take care of their kids or pregnant women. Perhaps they should be investigated by DHS, made to take parenting classes, like women would have to if the role was reversed. Perhaps jail time for running away to another state to live with someone else while your kids are back home going “Um.. where’s daddy?”