Family Issues w/Your Man

Is My Man Jealous of Me?

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Ok so this is an interested subject that women may or may not realize exists in relationships with men. For those who do not realize it, it is very common for men to actually be jealous of their female partner. Men may be jealous of you for many reason but the most common reasons men are jealous are:

  1. When their woman makes more money than they do.
  2. When their woman has a “better” job/career than they do.
  3. When their woman is in a position of power or achievement such as President of a company.
  4. When women spend a lot of time at their job/out of town for work.
  5. Men are also often jealous of the women who stay home or have more time at home, especially when a man works out of town/state.

So if you are wondering if your man is jealous of you, the answer is probably yes. But if you are not sure there are some tell tale signs your man may be jealous of you:

  1. Your man is rude to you, seems short with you a great deal, or seems mopey.
  2. If when you get home from work he seems to want to start a fight with you about being gone or even other unrelated things.
  3. If your man is gone a lot and seems mopey or upset about never being able to attend things because he’s gone, or if he seems to want you to always wait to do things until he gets home, or if he seems like he doesn’t want you to do anything without him.
  4. If your man says things like “maybe you should stay home and I can get a second job” or “I don’t want you to have to work.” (These are not always signs he’s jealous but if you have said no more than once to this idea and he keeps going on about it, then it’s a sign of jealousy as well as control.)
  5. If you are the worker of the family and your man spends most of his time lazing around on the couch, sleeping or really doing nothing constructive.

So let’s break these signs down a little bit to understand them. Men are easy to anger as a whole, but even men who are more laid back will often start acting a bit brutish when they are jealous of their woman. Men are, at their core worker bees, despite the fake trendy attempt from society to smack women down about NOT working. Men actually for the most part believe it is their duty to be the bread winner of the family but are at odds with the fake trendy attitude of society. Sometimes men are actually confused as to if they should be mad women are not working or mad because they feel that if their woman has to work they are failing at their duty as a man. Some men though actually don’t want to work at all and want their woman to take care of them but yet are still angry because their hormones and their inner self is actually trying to tell them they are a failure because they are not being manly by sitting at home on their butts doing nothing. I believe that this kind of inner self battle has a great deal to do with modern men’s inability to be family material.

So if they feel this way why don’t they just spit it out and say something? Well first off men are not good at sharing their feelings. If they were they would be women 😉 right? Men mostly bottle up their feelings and fail to share because they think it will make them less manly to do so. It’s also very possible the man actually doesn’t realize that they are jealous of you. It’s scientific fact that other male animals will get angry and or depressed when they feel useless or don’t have anything to do. Humans are animals despite our self importance in thinking we are special magical beings void of nature’s laws.

Men will often be jealous of a woman who makes more money than they do or who is in a position of authority and power. One of the reasons is as I said; men feel inferior if a woman is doing what he perceives to be his job/a man’s job. Some men think women just shouldn’t make as much as men because they think women are weak and therefore incapable of doing the job as well as them. They often also feel threatened by women in power who are capable of being self sufficient without them because they are afraid the women might leave them or not need them anymore. This is despite the fact men act mad when they are expected to take care of their families, despite them pretending they think women should work so they don’t have to pay for everything and despite men attempting to be trendy non-sexists. This mind set is confirmed by the fact men will leave their families (often a working wife and kids) for women who are in economic woe whom they see as needy , easy targets to replace their wife with. Unfortunately they then almost always automatically revert to their outward trendy “non-sexist” expectation this new woman should work, and thus the cycle continues for them.

Men who refuse to work or who won’t get real jobs, or who mope around the house are frankly not good men to have a family with in my book, unless you have made the co-decision he will stay home and you will work. Even still, it’s not particularly good for men to do because of the reasons I have outlined. IF your man is a stay at home dad, which I’m not the hugest fan of, then if he is doing his duty to the kids and home and does the grocery shopping and all the things stay at home mom does, then he has a job too. However, it may not be the best job for all men to do. Men become restless and need to burn off energy and testosterone. Most men just can’t do this being moms to kids because women are naturally designed to be care taker, nester, gatherer, organizer and men are not. So if this occurs it may be more practical for him to get a job, at least part-time. I also think that men may resent you being the bread winner, so it may not be worth it to try to be too over feminist when it comes to family matters, they clash quite often.

If you have a man who constantly wants you to quit your job for no reason other than he just doesn’t want you to work or he seems over-sensitive about you being at work you may have a serious issue. If your man never wants you to do anything with other people without him until he gets home or because he doesn’t want you enjoying anything when you are gone, you are in the danger zone. Men of this nature are exhibiting both jealousy issues and control issues. Controlling men are generally run by fear and jealousy. They are afraid their woman might be looked at or talked to by another male. They may actually be abusive and trying to get you secluded from your support system like your friends and family, maybe even your children. Seclusion is a tactic used by abusive and controlling men to isolate you from anyone he thinks can protect or defend you or take you away from him. Keep a keen eye on this type of behavior and don’t fall into the trap.

Remember society has honestly confused men of this generation because men do not know if they should be forcing you to work or forcing you to stay home. Their buddies are all divorced or single and telling them they should be mad about taking care of their families. Society is telling moms to dump their kids off at daycare and work for piddles. So it’s important to have real conversations about these issues at home and nip them in the bud as soon as possible. A man should always expect to do his duty to take care of his woman and kids even if he is not married. A woman should always expect to do her duty as a woman to nurture and take care of her children and man. When men and women want to reverse roles or blur the line between roles, remember it should be everyone’s personal choice, nothing ever by force or intimidation and be cautious because we can spew all the trendy crap we want but in reality nature has equipped men and women with different bodies, different hormones and therefore different purposes and natural talents. To pretend otherwise would be naive.

At the end of the day if you can’t have a conversation about this issue and resolve it, it may be time to move on to someone who can function in a fair relationship with you.

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Family Issues w/Your Man

I’m a Stay at Home Mom and Everyone Says I Need to Get a Job…

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Ok so you are a stay at home mom and people are telling you, you need to get a job? OK it’s time for an INTERVENTION! You are NOT jobless. You HAVE a job, it’s called parenting your child(ren). It is a REAL job and it’s the toughest job there is to do in life and the most important. When other people tell you, you need to get a job, YOU, need to defend yourself immediately. When people suggest to you that you need to do something, you need to be prepared to let them know how YOU feel about it.

First and foremost despite contrary belief, public opinion does not matter and does not rule your house, your life or your family. The idea that you or anyone owes society anything is absurd. You do not owe your country or economy anything. This is a free country and you do not need to explain yourself or your decisions to society. You do not need society’s permission to stay home and take care of your children. Society also has to accept responsibility for it’s role in making women choose between family and careers, it’s own role in keeping wages unlivable, and it’s combined decision to try to make women into super human beings that simply cannot exist. This is our society’s fault not yours. No amount of planning changes the outcome of the economy. No amount of planning changes life’s quips and downfalls. No amount of planning will change the wages of this country. You are not responsible for society’s mistakes and inability to function properly.

If it is your man (husband, boyfriend,fiance) saying you need a job, then you need to have a serious sit down discussion about the issue. If you are not working because you simply don’t want other people raising your kids, then you have made a good choice and a fair one. If you have chosen to stay home because you cannot afford daycare and/or the pay you can make is too low to warrant the sacrifice/cost of going to work, then your decision to stay home is not only fair but mathematically appropriate. Your man must learn that you are a separate human than him and every other person on the planet and that your beliefs are as important as others are. Your desire to give your children the best care is to be admired not degraded and you must make it clear that:

  1. You will not be told what to do, you are an adult
  2. You will not dump your children off on babysitters just because other moms choose to
  3. You will not be compared to anyone else
  4. You will not work for meager wages
  5. You will not be made a fool of
  6. You will not tolerate a man who does not have consideration for your choices and who doesn’t back up your decisions
  7. You will not pay another person all your wages so she can buy her children name brand clothes while your child goes without because you are paying her all your wages
  8. That you won’t tolerate jealousy
  9. That you work hard and won’t tolerate being told otherwise
  10. That you have a job and have no time for another one right now
  11. That you will find someone who is happy to have a top notch mother to raise and teach her own children if he doesn’t want you
  12. That you are proud of your decision to raise your own children

You absolutely must nip this in the bud right away. It’s ok to have reasonable joint-discussions about work and etc. But remember YOU are YOU and YOU have the right to decide what YOU do with YOUR life. When you are ready to work, go. When you can afford to work, go. When you are happy that your kids are ready for you to go to work, then go. Until then don’t let anybody tell you, you need to leave them for sub-par wages, or unappreciative employers who won’t pay anything for your sacrifice. Your man needs to do whatever it takes to back you up and make it easy for you and to compliment and be proud of his stay at home mom. If he’s not… it’s time to consider saying goodbye.

If anyone other than your companion is telling you this it’s time to let them know as nice as you can muster, “Excuse me, but that is none of your business and the discussion is over. I have made my choice and decision and this is my family not yours. ” Let others know their snarky comments are not welcome and that you are proud of your choice and owe society nothing. That you are not going to have this discussion again. If you may be single and relying on family to help they need to be realistic and consider the reality is that for most single moms, minimum wage is nowhere near livable and blatantly anyone who says otherwise cannot do simple math. No matter how many times people try to rig the numbers you cannot live reasonably out of poverty without assistance on minimum wage. It’s blatantly impossible. I won’t put up with any cockamamie statistic showing any different, because all of them can be easily debunked with basic math. A family is better off doing whatever it can to assist their family member in staying home till the mother can afford to work and has done her job raising the little ones. The value of parenting your own children alone is worth the family’s sacrifice in helping. A family who turns on their own, especially a mother who wants to raise her own children and who does not assist in this has no place of honor in my book.

It’s important to remember one of the reasons this pressure is so intense is that men are easily jealous of women. They are jealous when they don’t work because then they feel like they are being mooched off of rather than feeling proud to defend, protect and provide for their family, a sad truth, that isn’t desirable. The second is that women and especially other moms are easily jealous because they have to work or had to work. Some moms can’t wait to dump their children off anywhere they can. Be it preschool, camp, school, boarding school, babysitter, mom and pop, family members, foot ball, Boy scouts etc anything so they don’t have to do any work themselves this is a FACT. Women like this can’t handle the pressure of their own children and can’t relate to actually caring to be home with them. Other women have had help with free babysitters and can’t relate to the outrageous cost of daycare.

If I offered your man this job:

  1. Work hours 24 hours per day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
  2. No holidays off
  3. No sick time
  4. Vacation random if any
  5. No time of for wounds, injuries you will work even if you have broken your leg or just had surgery
  6. Multitasking expected
  7. job requires, scheduling appointments,attending appointments, driving to and fro, shopping, 40 loads of laundry per week, folding, dressing others, cutting food into tiny pieces, getting up 400 times per day, cleaning spills, cooking, vacuuming, taking out the trash, dusting, answering phone calls, bathing others, reading, writing lists, sleeping when you can fit it in, going hungry to make others meals and go without clothes, food, and medical care so you can get your duties done
  8. No appreciation
  9. No pay

Do you think he would accept this job? I don’t. Remember this is the job a stay at home mom does. Demand the appreciation you have earned. Stand your ground. Make it clear you’re not going to be badgered by anyone.