Women in Society

Is Marriage Realistic for Modern Women?

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Now this is the big question for women that women oddly often never ask themselves: Is marriage realistic for me in this era? Women are usually groomed from birth to daydream and ponder their future life about who they are going to marry, where they will live, what their house will look like, and how many kids they will have. In fact, I seem to have very fond memories of childhood in which we played lots of silly games with paper that would predict who we would marry and what their name would be and etc. Lots of fun, but it wasn’t until this year that I realized how silly all of that really was and how girls should be brought up wondering what they will do for themselves and what they will do to become the best person of their own right, and not necessarily defined by other people (i.e. their kids, a husband).

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting kids or a family but perhaps we spend too much time worrying about that when it’s only just a part of our lives not the entire thing. Women have had to set aside the rest of their lives for the benefit of their husbands and children for thousands of years and while this is the highest most respectable thing a mother and wife can do for her family, that is, to sacrifice for others, it is not necessarily the best thing a woman can do for herself.

In the modern era women more and more are reaching out for more than just the homemaker/wife life. So the question is, is marriage an old out dated tradition that really just keeps women down? Frankly I think the answer is yes. Not that it can’t work for some couples, not that I especially love broken homes or separated families, but there seems to be very little room in society, at least ours, despite being modern, for women who actually want to be individuals as well as moms and wives. Is it honestly possible for us to keep believing that two individuals can become one, magically because they wear fancy clothing and have a spiritual priest say they are married? I really don’t think so.

Evidence shows more and more that women are moving away from the idea of man as head of household, and of being arbitrarily morphed with their husband’s identity. Even laws now separate husband and wives in certain areas of law. Women are not so much taking the last names of their husbands anymore. Hyphenating their last names has become the new trend while some actually keep their original last name or even have the husband change their last name to theirs. Children are also being named after their mother’s last name or being hyphenated out of respect for both parents as opposed to only the father. In this trend we can see women are tired of being Mrs. Man. They want to be an individual as well as a family. There is nothing wrong with this. Men have always been allowed to be individuals and wives ought to as well.

For the most part women are now educating themselves and have been fighting back and forth between needing/wanting to stay home with children for financial reasons or because they want to take care of their own children, and going to work or school or just exploring life a bit on their own. These decisions would be a lot easier to make if we did not live in a world that expects women to do nothing but dream of their future life as a bride of a man, or mother of her children or wife of her husband. I could go one with specifics but I want to keep this post simple today. Society does not afford women the opportunities to do all they want to do. It’s not just because of financial limitations but because society expects women to give up what they want and give up their individuality as a wife/mother.

I think that each woman has to decide for themselves if they need or want to be married. I think this society has unfairly stigmatized women with the responsibility to be married and have a husband that takes care of them in order to function without being in poverty. The fact is, most women cannot earn enough to live without a partner which has been the root cause of most of women’s fight for individuality and independence. Phylilis Schlafly said (after the Paycheck Fairness Act was blocked by congress) that; “Women who make as much as men wouldn’t find good husbands.” This tells you alot about her generation. Now in respect Mrs. Schlafly has recently died (rest her soul in peace) but perhaps it resonates the death of an era of women brain washed into being reliant on husbands to live life? How often do we hear the term welfare queen, but never bother to ask why women can’t earn enough money to live without a husband, or why her husband or child’s father is not providing for his family?  This makes women feel like it’s all up to them to keep a family together. Isn’t it true we don’t think anything of it when men are single and have kids?

The possibility that marriage just isn’t the modern answer for society has rarely openly crossed the minds of our people. While I do make posts on advice on how a family, a man, a woman, a wife or husband should behave in relationships, and do in reality hope for everyone that family can work out, this does not change the question as to whether marriage is truly working for our society at this point. We simply do not afford women the life they deserve, and if a marriage is going to work well in this era it will have to be one that does for women what society does not do, which is to allow for her to be an individual with equal rights and respect and to not just be the one that a husband dumps the kids off on while he runs off to invest in his own career and life away from home. Until this day comes when both society and families do this, women I think, may need to have respite for a few centuries from marriage, to move forward to push this society into a future where women are rewarded for being dedicated moms, rewarded fairly for their work, where women’s jobs bring in real earnings, where we don’t morph them with their husbands. A society where they can be allowed to breath, spread their wings. be sick without penalty, take a break and not be expect to be the super human sacrificial lamb of the family.

What do you think?

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Family Issues w/Your Man, Uncategorized

What to Do About A Man Who Complains About Taking Care of His Family?

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In this day and age we see that more and more, people are choosing for one reason or another not to get married or are divorcing at “alarming” rates. While the media seems to think the reason is because people are just stupid and rush into marriages the reality is we actually take much, much longer to get married today than any other time in history and the main reason for divorce is financial arguments. Legal definitions such as “irreconcilable differences” don’t really say it right. Now, why do I put alarming in parenthesis? I put it in parenthesis because I don’t actually view the number or rate of divorces as at all alarming. I believe in divorce, the right to choose to no longer have to be married to a person you cannot love or cannot function with in a family.

What does financial issues really mean? In almost all cases it means the adults cannot agree on family finances. So by nature this means that one partner or the other isn’t providing income, is under employed, is wasting family money, is irresponsible with money or something along these lines. What the statistics don’t touch on is the fact millions of women have been left with no real choice but to get a divorce because their man refuses to take care of his family or won’t stop complaining about taking care of his family. This is equally prevalent in why women who are not married to their men refuse to make the leap to marriage.

Remember financially caring for your family is only one way in which you care for your family but not taking financial care of your family is usually the “straw that broke the camel’s back” when it comes to women’s level of tolerance. A man has a duty to do more than just financially take care of his family. He has a duty to be present, to provide physical and emotional support, to discipline and aid with the children, to ensure that he keeps up the family house and property, to protect and defend and to be involved in the lives of his family.

What else doesn’t get noticed in the simple statistics is that women often divorce because their men do not want to help take care of the children. This is especially undesirable since most women choose to work at some point in time even when they have young children. Women just don’t have time to do it all and men are not taking up the slack and in many cases blatantly ignore their own children. Women would rather attempt to do it all on their own, and why shouldn’t they? Why should a woman be in a relationship with a man if she is doing all the duties of both people? There’s no real point to that and it’s really not even a relationship if she can’t have any expectations of him.

If you have a man who is actively complaining to you about taking care of the family, then you need to have a real conversation about what his problem is exactly (i.e. does he want you to get a job, is he sick of being married). Your man will almost never come right out and say “I am sick of taking care of my family.” So here are some things he might say that can elude to the fact he is not wanting to provide for his family:

  1. He gets upset every-time he doesn’t get as much sleep as he wants and says things like “I’m tired, I need my sleep because I work.” (Insinuates you do nothing of value for the family.)
  2. “Why do you need this?” (Questions your ability to make adult decisions.)
  3. “I don’t have enough money for that.” (Even though that seems ridiculous on his income.)
  4. “I don’t think you need that.” (Notice the word “you” is applied yet he presumes to speaks for you.)
  5. “Why should I be the only one to work” (Again insinuating it’s not his duty to provide for his family.)
  6. “There’s no reason you can’t work.” (Yet you have 3 children under the age of 10 who need your care.)
  7. “I’m too busy to do that.” (By busy he means he has created things to go do outside the home and family he doesn’t need to do.)
  8. “I’m going to go to my friend Johnny’s house.” (He says this when he knows you need him at home.)
  9. “We don’t have money to fix your car.” (Then he gets in his pimped out man car and drives to his friend Johnny’s house to drink beers.)

In addition to saying things your man may also show behavioral signs he no longer wants to take care of his family such as:

  1. He takes a job that makes it so he is gone most of the time or gone during hours the kids are home.
  2. He takes on more hours or another job but he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t seem to be providing any additional income to the family despite having more pay.
  3. He sleeps all day long or mopes and lazes around when he has days off instead of spending time with family.
  4. He works at night and sleeps during morning hours when the family is getting ready for school and eating breakfast, even though he could wait to sleep until the kids are gone at school.
  5. He eats meals separate from the family/ often says he’s not hungry.
  6. He spends more time at friends’ houses than at home or with the family.
  7. He doesn’t want to spend any money on the family, or he doesn’t want to go anywhere or plan any activities or events with the family.
  8. He often claims he/the family cannot afford things that you in fact can.
  9. He hides his income, withholds his pay from you.
  10. He buys himself things he doesn’t need when the family has needs without consulting you.
  11. He refuses to talk about or adhere to a family plan and or budget.
  12. He wants to stay home more often than not, rather than go with family to things.
  13. He won’t talk to anyone, and does this often. When he does talk he snaps at everyone.
  14. He talks about quitting  his job all the time even though he has made no effort to arrange a  new job.

Remember this is the ultimate number one reason for divorce all around and generally it is women getting the divorces because women and children are usually the target and victims of this attitude problem. Obviously there is a difference between a man who does not take care of his family and man who complains about it. However who really wants to stay with a person for years who cannot stop complaining about the people he supposedly loves so much? Everyone complains and sometimes people vent and lash out when they are mad, tired, or hungry, and it is important for families to talk and to stand up to each other. You cannot beat around the bush and expect results, that includes men and women. If you are sick of providing all the income and think you have a reasonable complaint then say it out loud and say why. If you are sick of listening to your man whine and claim you are not working when you take care of 3 under age ten children all day and do all the house work then say it out loud.

Make sure when you talk about anything this important that you sit down with NO kids in the house (or in the room if that is not practical). Make sure you are not distracted by anything. NO phones in hand, no texting, no phone calls, no tv, no games, no guests. Just you two sitting talking. If you cannot get your man to do this then tell him you have had enough and you want a divorce/want to end the relationship and wont tolerate a man too  busy or too bitter to sit and have family talk time. Family talk time is the most difficult thing to get done and to find time for in a relationship because everyone is legitimately busy a lot. However, most people also don’t do enough to cut the crap and put stuff they don’t need to do aside to make time for family talk time. Family talk time is NOT family meeting time, it’s adult only time. You have to be able to have this or the relationship is doomed to continue down a spiraling path of dissatisfaction. The bottom line is a man who cannot or will not do this is not family material. He is not relationship material either.

A man cannot live only in his own little world in his head, and can’t expect his family to tolerate him creating a world where he is too busy , too hostile or too lazy to join in on the family time. A man must build his family up, not tear it down. If a man complains publicly about his family he should be ignored and shamed. I mean that literally. A man should NEVER ever disrespect his family in public, it’s a disgrace.  A man who does this often does not deserve his family and should be ignored as he ignores his family.

Remember girls you only have to put up with what you tolerate. You do not need a 4th “baby” to take care of, you need a man, a real man. Real men provide and don’t cry like little children about it. It’s not worth it to drag out empty relationships with men like these. You are not a free sex buddy and your kids are not his visitors. If your man can’t hack it, find someone who can.

 

Family Issues w/Your Man

My Man Won’t Eat His Meals!

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Most women who have lived with a man, especially those who have been, or are married now have probably experienced this “phenomenon.” A man who refuses to eat the meals she prepares with the rest of the family, for some reason or another. Sometimes it’s just a few meals a month and sometimes it’s several meals a day. If you are having issues with a man who wants to eat separate from you for no legitimate reason, then you have a spoiled baby for a man. The following are NOT legitimate excuses not to eat meals with the family or to eat different food than the family:

  1. because he doesn’t like that meal
  2. because he doesn’t like the meal sides
  3. because he’s not hungry right now
  4. because he’s tired of eating that
  5. because he wants something else
  6. because he is “too busy” but he’s at home

A man’s duty is to his family and his partner and it is important to have meal time together. It’s more important to spend this time with family and not worry about your meal. Sometimes meal time is one of the only times a family has to be together at the same time. This time cannot be wasted on complaining about the meal prepared. This time is not time to run out to the McDonald’s and go grab something else. This time is not time to whine or argue. This time is not time to go hide in your car or garage sneaking a McSandwhich. It’s childish, it’s selfish and it sets a bad example to the kids. Girls, make sure you make it clear you are not making special meals for everyone who doesn’t want what’s for dinner. If you wouldn’t prepare specials or make exceptions for the kids you don’t prepare specials for your man either. In addition, snubbing your meals is wasteful and can cost your family hundreds of dollars in lost food money to wasted food. That can become extremely expensive.

If right now you are saying; “but what if they really aren’t hungry?” Well one of the reasons they probably REALLY aren’t hungry is because they’re eating separate meals on a separate schedule from the rest of the family. If your man has a schedule different than the rest of the family as far as eating times go that can pose an issue. However, it is most likely that he is simply making up an excuse to get out of eating his meals. He probably wants to eat fast food from a convenience store or fast food restaurant.

“So… is it ok for him to go eat at the fast food place?” NO! In general, too much fast food is bad for your health and can cost lots of money later in medical conditions as well as being extremely expensive for the family budget. Your man might say : “It’s just a $4 sandwich!” This sounds cheap but it’s not, if your man eats 3 $4 sandwiches even 5 days per week he is spending $3,120 on sandwiches per year. So clearly if you couple that with a soda or coffee you can just about double that price. Do you really have $6k a year to spend on one person eating meals alone?

I know what some of you are thinking, this sounds sexists or stereotypical and unfair. Well frankly the truth hurts and it’s only a stereotype because it’s based in reality. More women complain about their men refusing to eat meals than any other thing that occurs in the house. So this is a matter of men not wanting to be part of the family. Your man cannot continue this anti-family attitude. He needs to show the kids, that eating healthy meals at home and spending time together is much more important than having a cheesy sandwich 3 times per day.

Here are some examples of legitimate excuses for your man to be absent from meals or have special plates:

  1.  allergy to the food
  2. They are gone out of the house at work
  3. guys night out with dinner plans
  4. out with family on a planned family occasion while not home with you/kids
  5. they are legitimately ill (flu)
  6. special medical needs
  7. occasional inability to eat (lack of hunger)

Even if your man is not hungry at the time of your meal, for real, not for fake, he still needs to sit with the family at the dinner table for as many meal times as possible. He can still chat with the family and help the kids eat. He does not need to sit in the living room watching the t.v. while you and the kids are at the table eating meals without him. Even if your man has work and needs to eat meals away from the home, he can bring left overs with him. He doesn’t need to try to be cool by buying “cool” fast food. Who cares if his buds think he’s lame for bringing the left over meat loaf to work? He can respond by saying “My family is cooler than your cheesy sandwich.”

Ways you can minimize the issue of your man not wanting his meals is to split cooking days in half and he can then make meals he really likes too for you and the kids. Also you can make a meal schedule on a computer on a monthly bases where he gets to pick as many meals as you to serve the family. If the family wants a treat of fast food or a sit down restaurant then schedule it in and EVERYBODY goes. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t have girls or boys night out or make arrangements for when you’re on vacation or some such, just the main daily routine should be this way.

So if you are saying; “Yeah but my man refuses to sit down and schedule meals.”, or “He won’t tell me what he wants to eat ever.” Then you need to consider a divorce/end of the relationship. Not eating meals with family, and refusing to answer legitimate important questions for the family’s benefit, and especially refusing to make plans, all while complaining  (i.e. he doesn’t want his meals) are all red light warning signs your man is NOT family material. At this point you must reflect that since he does not want to plan meals he needs to eat what he is served or there will need to be consequences to his anti-family actions.

“Well but he says he works so it’s his money and should be able to buy or eat what he wants.” WRONG! I will cover the money issue in another blog post more in depth but as far as this post is concerned, it makes no difference who is or is not working and getting the paycheck. The family must work as one unit, not two. When a man is bull headed making unilateral decisions, you have two units, him alone working against the family and you and the kids working for the family. This cannot occur or there will be a rift in the family unit.

Again a man who can’t get over this issue is likely not family material. Frankly you and the kids would do better apart from him. He can be single so he can have his meals his way and sit alone. While you and your kids can have your meals together and satisfaction of family time without a bump on a log stinking up the atmosphere with their poopy attitude.

“But this sounds so harsh.” It’s not. You are likely already excusing and placating your man by wondering if you are being too strict, too “nagy” or too “controlling.” If you think this way, then your man has already beaten you and won the “who’s in control” contest that shouldn’t be occurring in the relationship. So does this mean it’s partly your fault he’s doing this? No. It means it’s your fault you are miserable about it. If you can’t do what it takes to do right for the entire family you can’t fix the issues. Remember if he can’t grow up then he is simply not a part of the family and you need to do what’s right to take care of the family that IS.

So bottom line is if none of the recommendations here fix the issue it’s time to move on without him. Seriously.

 

Advice about Men

His House, or Our House?

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Feeling left out of the big picture? Are you not sure if the house you live in is his, or both of yours? Then pay attention closely… YOUR home is any home you live in. So if you live with him in “his” house, you are still in YOUR house too. If a man invites you to live with him, then he is inviting you to live there and for that to be your house.

It doesn’t matter if it is an apartment, duplex, home, or weather it’s rented or owned or who’s name it is in. Now legally it is the home of whoever is on the lease or mortgage so yes if you split up the one on the title is gonna get to keep it unless a judge orders otherwise, but in reality at the time you are living there it is YOUR home and HIS home.

It’s perfectly fine for everyone to have their own personal possessions, like clothes, toothbrush and shoes but the resources of the couple are BOTH of yours. Why? Because you cannot be in a serious relationship with commitment if you cannot share as one entity. That entity is called family. He cannot treat the house as only his or he is breaking his promise to you that this is your home. It cannot be your home if you have no say what occurs there or get overruled by him.

It doesn’t matter if there is an issue of remodeling, moving things around the house or even what utilities to have or not have, it’s all the same. It’s YOUR right to have a say as an adult and to be respected in that fact. It is NOT ok for him to say things like “This is my house and it’s how I’ve always had it.” or  “I’ve had these curtains for years. Their mine, I’m not changing them!”

While at first glance this may sound silly, these situations can cause serious rifts in relationships. As well they should to be honest, you should never be ok with being treated as unimportant or as inferior in your own home. It makes no difference if you are legally married or not, you are in effect married when he asks you to share a life and home with him. A marriage license is just paper.

If many of your conversations with him end in reactions that start with, or end in some c version of :”….. this is my house,” then you need to stop what you are doing now and pack up your bags and move out. This is likely a sign of a selfish man. In which case I urge you to read my blog post “Is My Man Selfish.. and What to Do.” Selfish people think largely about only themselves and what they want out of life and that includes their career choice, house, car, what they do at home, how it looks, where they go all day etc. A person who invites you to live in a home that becomes yours too yet expects you to follow some kind of guidelines as though you are a child, is in fact, a child themselves. Many men make this crucial mistake, thinking not being married but living together is somehow different than living together married. It’s not. There is no difference and their responsibility to you is the same. If they see no fairness or value in your will to make the house your own and won’t even consider your ideas because they feel the final say is with their-self then you are not in your home, not in a relationship and not in a family. You are in effect his “child.” He will set rules and boundaries for YOU an adult, in YOUR home, and that’s not ok.

I don’t suggest giving him lots of chances or conceding on your will and plans for YOUR mutual house or you will be doing it all the time. It’s likely there is no chance he is marriage material if he cannot accept this is your house too. You don’t have to break off the relationship but you probably will not get to the point of leveling up to marriage and moving in together again because he will likely not ever pass the “me, me, me” stage. If marriage and kids are not important to you then perhaps a relationship living apart is possible. If you already have children, sorry but I don’t believe this is a reasonable excuse to live with him. If you stay, you teach your kids this is how a man treats his woman, this is how a man treats his family. You also teach your kids that this is how a woman must be treated and she has no say in her home because she is inferior to her man.

You must always hold your own in the relationship. If you live there the home is yours too and you may not always agree on everything.  You may decide to concede after a reasonable, fair conversation about the house, but you cannot be HOME if you aren’t even allowed to be equal in that say.

So if a conversation ever arises before moving in with your man, make sure you bring up this important issue. Be sure he understands that if this is the step he wishes to take, then this will be your home too and that this will mean family and family choices. Don’t bother with trial move-ins, there is no such thing. A short stint is not going to be a realistic reflection of long term living situations. Frankly you need to wait until your comfortable or throw yourselves into it and see. A good man will treat you right. If you both want to figure out if living together is a good idea then I suggest spending as much time as possible with each other while NOT yet living in the same home. If your man is stand-offish or seems annoyed at you wanting most of his time, or if you want to start making family like oriented plans and he seems like he’s too busy or annoyed, if he’s more interested in his friends than you, if he spends most of his time gone, if  he won’t eat meals with you, then red lights should be going off. He’s not ready for family life. A man must prove he can be family before he lives as family.

Even if you guys have any kids together, but not yet living together these signs are signs he isn’t marriage or family material.

Advice about Men

Is My Man Selfish…and what to do.

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It doesn’t matter if you are married or not, or if this is your boyfriend/fiance’ or husband, the advice is the same for each. If you are here reading this because you just did a search for something like :” Is my husband selfish” or “What to do about a selfish man.” Then the answer is YES, your man is selfish otherwise you would not have done this search.

So now that we have established your man is selfish we need to first discuss what is NOT occurring…

  1. You are NOT being too pushy, naggy, controlling or too sensitive
  2. You are NOT the issue
  3. You are NOT responsible for HIS actions directly
  4. and You are Not doing yourself any favors questioning if it’s you who is the problem and not him, because it’s him.

Now, if you are still questioning the above, then leave this blog now and shut off the phone/computer and go back to beating yourself up and questioning yourself and coddling your selfish man until you’re ready to get real and solve the real problem…him. If you’re ready to stop questioning yourself, then let’s continue to what IS occurring.

  1. Your man is selfish
  2. your man is lazy physically (even if he works he’s probably too lazy to fix the fence right?)
  3. Your man is lazy mentally ( not to be confused with stupid) ( he has an excuse to not talk about anything important and won’t make any decisions about anything important to you.)
  4. Your man is insensitive
  5. Your man is probably wishing he was single (but being single doesn’t have.. certain benefits for him.)
  6. Your man is not being an equal partner
  7. Your man is not marriage material
  8. Your man is likely not parent material
  9. You are probably coddling him and excusing him even when you don’t realize it

If by now you are thinking this sounds nothing like my man then you know what to do by now. Come back when you’re ready to get real. You came here because you are fed up with a selfish man and just want confirmation he is selfish from someone else but you don’t need it, you already know better. What you’re REALLY here for is to find advice on what to do to change your selfish man. So here it is: NOTHING.

There is literally nothing you can do to change a selfish partner. He will not ever listen to you, or care enough to change. Frankly it’s not even really a matter of understanding. Your man understands just fine but he doesn’t care and that’s what you have to accept about the situation. You can talk about things till your mad and blue in the face but it will not matter, because he doesn’t care because he is selfish and wants everything his own way. It’s blatant, it’s blunt, it’s depressing, but it’s true, he does not care. No matter if he says he does, he is lying. If he cares about anything, he cares about himself and keeping you compliant with his selfish ideal of a woman who shuts up and doesn’t expect anything from him. Even if it seems like he does once in a while, he is likely lying or just placating you to get you stop talking about it and to probably get his way. He probably doesn’t mean it and won’t do anything he promises. Even if and when he does anything he promises, he will stop soon enough because he will quickly become tired of doing the right thing because it cuts into his selfish “me, me, me” time.

So, by now you are either saying this isn’t what I wanted to hear, and I don’t know about this advice so far, and I think my man can change. Then you know what to do!!! Come back later. Now if you are still here probably mad and or crying by now hearing the truth I know you already knew in your heart and mind, then let’s move on to what you CAN do.

  1. You CAN get a divorce if you are married and move on in life without your selfish man in your home.
  2. You CAN break up with and break off all contact with your boyfriend/fiance’ and move out of his house or kick him out of your house if you live together.
  3. You CAN get child support if you have kids and you can hold him responsible if need be IF you don’t poop out on yourself and laze around waiting to do it.

If you are by now saying, this isn’t what I wanted. I don’t want to leave the relationship. Then you know what to do. Come back later. But if you are ready to make real change then you need to do the only thing YOU can actually do about your selfish man, which is to end the issue by ending the relationship. There is no magic answer.

Now some of you are now at the point and time of maybe spouting off religious or philosophical nonsense about marriage, but don’t bother. First you can change your own philosophy anytime you need to. Second, while I can’t touch on every single possible religion I can say the main 3 in the world ALL have divorce in their bibles and also command a man to treat his wife as he would himself, and also paraphrasing “a man who does not take care of his family is worse than a non believer.” I am of the philosophy that there is only but one life and one chance at happiness in one plane of existence and that is right here right now. It is therefore up to you to decide if you want to waste it unhappy based on a misrepresentation of the main 3 bibles’ passages about marriage or if you may now actually go read them in their entirety to find the passages that speak of bad husbands and divorce.

So maybe you think a counselor or religious leader can help you? NO. They are just as helpless as you are in doing anything to change your selfish man. They can spout of any number of things but it will go in one ear and out the other of your selfish mans head. So I personally wouldn’t bother. Wasting time equals more life lost that could be stress free for you. Don’t sit around and wait for him to change, it won’t happen. Yes it really is that simple while perhaps being emotionally disheartening it is simple to do. Now if you are bound and determined even after reading this to stay, then there is only one final option for you….. accept your man is selfish, accept he is never going to change and accept the unhappiness that comes with that option.

Remember the only person who can change your man is him and you don’t owe him any time to figure it out or to do it. IF by some miracle someday he truly does change, which I doubt , and even if you think the change is real, do not sit around waiting for it. Make him come to you. I personally don’t recommend believing him but likely he will not come knocking later because he is too selfish to change.

If you are mad you didn’t find any bologna sappy advice here, then I’m not sorry. This is what real advice looks like. You want change, I have given you the advice you need to get it. The choice is yours.