Women in Society

Is Marriage Realistic for Modern Women?

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Now this is the big question for women that women oddly often never ask themselves: Is marriage realistic for me in this era? Women are usually groomed from birth to daydream and ponder their future life about who they are going to marry, where they will live, what their house will look like, and how many kids they will have. In fact, I seem to have very fond memories of childhood in which we played lots of silly games with paper that would predict who we would marry and what their name would be and etc. Lots of fun, but it wasn’t until this year that I realized how silly all of that really was and how girls should be brought up wondering what they will do for themselves and what they will do to become the best person of their own right, and not necessarily defined by other people (i.e. their kids, a husband).

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting kids or a family but perhaps we spend too much time worrying about that when it’s only just a part of our lives not the entire thing. Women have had to set aside the rest of their lives for the benefit of their husbands and children for thousands of years and while this is the highest most respectable thing a mother and wife can do for her family, that is, to sacrifice for others, it is not necessarily the best thing a woman can do for herself.

In the modern era women more and more are reaching out for more than just the homemaker/wife life. So the question is, is marriage an old out dated tradition that really just keeps women down? Frankly I think the answer is yes. Not that it can’t work for some couples, not that I especially love broken homes or separated families, but there seems to be very little room in society, at least ours, despite being modern, for women who actually want to be individuals as well as moms and wives. Is it honestly possible for us to keep believing that two individuals can become one, magically because they wear fancy clothing and have a spiritual priest say they are married? I really don’t think so.

Evidence shows more and more that women are moving away from the idea of man as head of household, and of being arbitrarily morphed with their husband’s identity. Even laws now separate husband and wives in certain areas of law. Women are not so much taking the last names of their husbands anymore. Hyphenating their last names has become the new trend while some actually keep their original last name or even have the husband change their last name to theirs. Children are also being named after their mother’s last name or being hyphenated out of respect for both parents as opposed to only the father. In this trend we can see women are tired of being Mrs. Man. They want to be an individual as well as a family. There is nothing wrong with this. Men have always been allowed to be individuals and wives ought to as well.

For the most part women are now educating themselves and have been fighting back and forth between needing/wanting to stay home with children for financial reasons or because they want to take care of their own children, and going to work or school or just exploring life a bit on their own. These decisions would be a lot easier to make if we did not live in a world that expects women to do nothing but dream of their future life as a bride of a man, or mother of her children or wife of her husband. I could go one with specifics but I want to keep this post simple today. Society does not afford women the opportunities to do all they want to do. It’s not just because of financial limitations but because society expects women to give up what they want and give up their individuality as a wife/mother.

I think that each woman has to decide for themselves if they need or want to be married. I think this society has unfairly stigmatized women with the responsibility to be married and have a husband that takes care of them in order to function without being in poverty. The fact is, most women cannot earn enough to live without a partner which has been the root cause of most of women’s fight for individuality and independence. Phylilis Schlafly said (after the Paycheck Fairness Act was blocked by congress) that; “Women who make as much as men wouldn’t find good husbands.” This tells you alot about her generation. Now in respect Mrs. Schlafly has recently died (rest her soul in peace) but perhaps it resonates the death of an era of women brain washed into being reliant on husbands to live life? How often do we hear the term welfare queen, but never bother to ask why women can’t earn enough money to live without a husband, or why her husband or child’s father is not providing for his family?  This makes women feel like it’s all up to them to keep a family together. Isn’t it true we don’t think anything of it when men are single and have kids?

The possibility that marriage just isn’t the modern answer for society has rarely openly crossed the minds of our people. While I do make posts on advice on how a family, a man, a woman, a wife or husband should behave in relationships, and do in reality hope for everyone that family can work out, this does not change the question as to whether marriage is truly working for our society at this point. We simply do not afford women the life they deserve, and if a marriage is going to work well in this era it will have to be one that does for women what society does not do, which is to allow for her to be an individual with equal rights and respect and to not just be the one that a husband dumps the kids off on while he runs off to invest in his own career and life away from home. Until this day comes when both society and families do this, women I think, may need to have respite for a few centuries from marriage, to move forward to push this society into a future where women are rewarded for being dedicated moms, rewarded fairly for their work, where women’s jobs bring in real earnings, where we don’t morph them with their husbands. A society where they can be allowed to breath, spread their wings. be sick without penalty, take a break and not be expect to be the super human sacrificial lamb of the family.

What do you think?

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Family Issues w/Your Man

My Man Won’t Eat His Meals!

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Most women who have lived with a man, especially those who have been, or are married now have probably experienced this “phenomenon.” A man who refuses to eat the meals she prepares with the rest of the family, for some reason or another. Sometimes it’s just a few meals a month and sometimes it’s several meals a day. If you are having issues with a man who wants to eat separate from you for no legitimate reason, then you have a spoiled baby for a man. The following are NOT legitimate excuses not to eat meals with the family or to eat different food than the family:

  1. because he doesn’t like that meal
  2. because he doesn’t like the meal sides
  3. because he’s not hungry right now
  4. because he’s tired of eating that
  5. because he wants something else
  6. because he is “too busy” but he’s at home

A man’s duty is to his family and his partner and it is important to have meal time together. It’s more important to spend this time with family and not worry about your meal. Sometimes meal time is one of the only times a family has to be together at the same time. This time cannot be wasted on complaining about the meal prepared. This time is not time to run out to the McDonald’s and go grab something else. This time is not time to whine or argue. This time is not time to go hide in your car or garage sneaking a McSandwhich. It’s childish, it’s selfish and it sets a bad example to the kids. Girls, make sure you make it clear you are not making special meals for everyone who doesn’t want what’s for dinner. If you wouldn’t prepare specials or make exceptions for the kids you don’t prepare specials for your man either. In addition, snubbing your meals is wasteful and can cost your family hundreds of dollars in lost food money to wasted food. That can become extremely expensive.

If right now you are saying; “but what if they really aren’t hungry?” Well one of the reasons they probably REALLY aren’t hungry is because they’re eating separate meals on a separate schedule from the rest of the family. If your man has a schedule different than the rest of the family as far as eating times go that can pose an issue. However, it is most likely that he is simply making up an excuse to get out of eating his meals. He probably wants to eat fast food from a convenience store or fast food restaurant.

“So… is it ok for him to go eat at the fast food place?” NO! In general, too much fast food is bad for your health and can cost lots of money later in medical conditions as well as being extremely expensive for the family budget. Your man might say : “It’s just a $4 sandwich!” This sounds cheap but it’s not, if your man eats 3 $4 sandwiches even 5 days per week he is spending $3,120 on sandwiches per year. So clearly if you couple that with a soda or coffee you can just about double that price. Do you really have $6k a year to spend on one person eating meals alone?

I know what some of you are thinking, this sounds sexists or stereotypical and unfair. Well frankly the truth hurts and it’s only a stereotype because it’s based in reality. More women complain about their men refusing to eat meals than any other thing that occurs in the house. So this is a matter of men not wanting to be part of the family. Your man cannot continue this anti-family attitude. He needs to show the kids, that eating healthy meals at home and spending time together is much more important than having a cheesy sandwich 3 times per day.

Here are some examples of legitimate excuses for your man to be absent from meals or have special plates:

  1.  allergy to the food
  2. They are gone out of the house at work
  3. guys night out with dinner plans
  4. out with family on a planned family occasion while not home with you/kids
  5. they are legitimately ill (flu)
  6. special medical needs
  7. occasional inability to eat (lack of hunger)

Even if your man is not hungry at the time of your meal, for real, not for fake, he still needs to sit with the family at the dinner table for as many meal times as possible. He can still chat with the family and help the kids eat. He does not need to sit in the living room watching the t.v. while you and the kids are at the table eating meals without him. Even if your man has work and needs to eat meals away from the home, he can bring left overs with him. He doesn’t need to try to be cool by buying “cool” fast food. Who cares if his buds think he’s lame for bringing the left over meat loaf to work? He can respond by saying “My family is cooler than your cheesy sandwich.”

Ways you can minimize the issue of your man not wanting his meals is to split cooking days in half and he can then make meals he really likes too for you and the kids. Also you can make a meal schedule on a computer on a monthly bases where he gets to pick as many meals as you to serve the family. If the family wants a treat of fast food or a sit down restaurant then schedule it in and EVERYBODY goes. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t have girls or boys night out or make arrangements for when you’re on vacation or some such, just the main daily routine should be this way.

So if you are saying; “Yeah but my man refuses to sit down and schedule meals.”, or “He won’t tell me what he wants to eat ever.” Then you need to consider a divorce/end of the relationship. Not eating meals with family, and refusing to answer legitimate important questions for the family’s benefit, and especially refusing to make plans, all while complaining  (i.e. he doesn’t want his meals) are all red light warning signs your man is NOT family material. At this point you must reflect that since he does not want to plan meals he needs to eat what he is served or there will need to be consequences to his anti-family actions.

“Well but he says he works so it’s his money and should be able to buy or eat what he wants.” WRONG! I will cover the money issue in another blog post more in depth but as far as this post is concerned, it makes no difference who is or is not working and getting the paycheck. The family must work as one unit, not two. When a man is bull headed making unilateral decisions, you have two units, him alone working against the family and you and the kids working for the family. This cannot occur or there will be a rift in the family unit.

Again a man who can’t get over this issue is likely not family material. Frankly you and the kids would do better apart from him. He can be single so he can have his meals his way and sit alone. While you and your kids can have your meals together and satisfaction of family time without a bump on a log stinking up the atmosphere with their poopy attitude.

“But this sounds so harsh.” It’s not. You are likely already excusing and placating your man by wondering if you are being too strict, too “nagy” or too “controlling.” If you think this way, then your man has already beaten you and won the “who’s in control” contest that shouldn’t be occurring in the relationship. So does this mean it’s partly your fault he’s doing this? No. It means it’s your fault you are miserable about it. If you can’t do what it takes to do right for the entire family you can’t fix the issues. Remember if he can’t grow up then he is simply not a part of the family and you need to do what’s right to take care of the family that IS.

So bottom line is if none of the recommendations here fix the issue it’s time to move on without him. Seriously.